i've been avoiding this place for weeks now.
to write it requires you to think. thinking, will only surface too many unwanted thoughts.
it's hard to be genuinely happy. but i'm lucky to have friends that try really hard. =)

i had a dream last night.
i saw how close they are, how happy they are.
in my many fragments of dreams, everyone is telling me they're together now/they're closer than ever.
and i know, as much as i hate to admit it, i'm out of the picture long long time ago.
that i never have a say to it.
this is not an accusation. this is just a dream.
but ultimately, i want you to be happy.
telle est ma prière. =)

it's been 2 months now. what has changed?
everything. i feel very different now.
kinda hard to adapt.
to stop a habit that has been ongoing for 3 years.
times i still feel incomplete. but its lesser now.
times i feel my future is bleak. but i'm trying harder.
times i want to talk and laugh with you, to hold you in my arms again. but it's getting numb.

i believe, one day we'll be able to look back and smile.
sit down and maybe have a cup of coffee.
introducing him/her. exchanging wedding invitations.
i'm preparing, so that when the day comes, i'll be able to give you my brightest smile. =)